Yes Here

Lord Jesus, that is going to be one fun FUNeral. Can you imagine. I hope it’s as classy as the one she gave her husband. You know where she wore a wedding dress and warbled “Wind Beneath My Wings” (which is the best funeral song ever). I’m thinking there’s definetly going to be a buffet! Maybe chicken fingers with mashed potato dipping sauce. And Kool Aid and Kristal daquiris. Fucking fantastic! I think Kim, her lesbian assistant, and Howard K. should sing a duet. Maybe “Love Lift Us Up”. Oh and please god let her toothless cousin deliver the euology. This should really be on pay per view.

The best part - watching the Texas Mashall family do a ho-down.

But, you know who I really feel sorry for? Sweetie Pie.

I’ve been a little sad. Could be PMS, could be cancer, could also be my suck ass job and this piss ant town. Anyway, I’ve decided to have fun with it. Anytime someone asks me what’s wrong. I sigh and say “Oh, I’m just disappointed in Jesus. . . again.”

Ok I understand I’m going to get wierd messages from guys. But, if you are goibng to flirt with me perhaps the best picture to send isn’t one of you and your bride from your wedding.

Also if you are going to send me a note, please speak English. This does nothing for me:
helllo sxc love ur hot ass poses im not ur age but fuck i would love to have a convo with u plzzzzzzz i got some saucy pics on msn u will love if u have msn give me ur addy an we will chat n i l show u my pics an u show me urs a baby wb hottay

 

A wonderfull clever site for your enjoyment.

Sober Alcoholics from Seed Magazine

Alcoholism isn’t funny. Neither are alcoholics. According to a study recently published in the journal Addiction, alcoholics don’t process humor as well as non-alcoholics. Researchers examined 29 recovering alcoholic patients and 29 healthy controls who were comparable in IQ, gender, and age. They were asked to choose punchlines for jokes, some of which were funnier than others. For example:

It was Mother’s Day. Anna and her brother had told their mother to stay in bed that morning. She read her book and looked forward to breakfast. After a long wait she finally went downstairs. Anna and her brother were both eating at the table.

The subjects could select from the following:

a) Anna said: “Hi mom, we didn’t expect you to be awake so early.”
b) Anna picked up an egg and smashed it on her brothers head.
c) Her brother said: “We have a new teacher at our school.”
d) Anna said: “It’s a surprise for Mother’s Day. We cooked our own breakfast.”

92 percent of the people in the healthy group chose d, the correct punchline, but only 68 percent of the alcoholics picked out the right ending for this knee-slapper. The researchers suggest that deficits in the working memory and mentalizing ability of the alcoholics may have decreased the alcoholics’ capacity to understand jokes and be tickled by them. They didn’t seem to consider that they might just be really, really into slapstick.

Now while I did in fact pick “d” as the best of the choices I’m still not laughing, which just says to me drunks are funnier; sober people just don’t get it.